Real/Unreal

It took some time to focus. I had been feeling really weak since afternoon, or since the time I got up after my afternoon nap, I don't know. I don't really remember. I just remember feeling weak…and warm. Yes I feel warm. I could feel the heat emanating from my body through my sweatshirt and jeans. A tall man was writing something on the blackboard, his hands moving slowly and his lips moving slowly and mouthing words that sounded like a song on a bad tape. And then suddenly in the blink of an eye, he was real, standing in front of me, staring at me and apparently talking to me. Volume had been turned up. Picture had been cleared.

 

"...Antiparticles came as a natural solution to this equation…something…you know that physicists had to accept. Although they defied…"

 

It took some time to make sense of the situation. And my weakness slowing the process further. The classroom was empty except for two students. Both of us were sitting on one bench. The corridors were empty and silent. Eerie Silence. The teacher was teaching something that I had desperately wanted to learn for quite some time now. I even remember dreaming about it once. Is this one? It was past 5 and the institute closed at 5. I listened further.

 

"...Properties, however, are entirely opposite to that of the particles. Antiparticles have opposite charges, negative energies and travel backward in time..."

 

Backward in time?

 

 

 

 

Loud Banging. At my door.  I woke up. Quite suddenly. I tried to get up suddenly but felt shooting pains in my body. Loud banging.

 

"ओए जोजो पूछ रहा है कि तू cricket खेलने आएगा ?" someone shouted.

 

"नहीं...सो रहा हूँ मैं" I said and looked at the clock. It was 10 minutes to 3. I had to get up. I had to prepare for my class. I had to go to the market. I had to study for this workshop. But this pain won't go. I had to sleep. But it's all wrong. Everyone is laughing. Dark Alley. I am sitting alone. I want to shout…

 

Something soft hit my head or did my head hit something soft?

 

 

 

 

"Hello?!"

"Hey"(dull)

"Heeeeyy!! कैसा है?" (lively)

"I am fine. You?" (fake)

"I am fine..but you are not. What happened?Hmmm?Hmmm?" (quizzical yet funny)

"I... don't know."(wondering)

"You really never do in the beginning."(casual)

"In the beginning of what?"

"Such conversations."(careful)

"Such conversation? I am sorry ma'am if I am wasting your time. I will hang up now."(angry-yet no attempt to hang)

"I-only-mean- to say that you waste a lot of time. We both know why you have called. So, why this hesitation. I never hesitate. Do I?"(calm, composed yet challenging)

"Yes. You don't"(retort)

"Then why do you?"(factual)

"                                                                                 "

"हो गए ना चुप?" (teasing)

"Ok. You want to know. It's because I feel it's unfair to put all your….burdens…on someone else. One should be able to solve one's own problems."

"Shut Up Mr. Fair-Unfair-Right-Wrong. Kindly keep these philosophies and your one-liners with you." (angry)

"You don't…"

"Oh Yes I DO!. You, on the other hand do not get to decide what's fair or unfair.  No one operates alone. Everything happens on a mutual basis. If you have no problem listening to my ramblings all the time then even I don’t mind listening to your stupid 'problems'. (vicious)

"I am sorry."(genuine)

"लो! अब sorry."

"What now?" (even more genuine)

"Why are you….so….ugh…formal?" (irritation and slight disgust)

"                                                                                                     "

"Forget it." (discarded)

"                                                "

"Now say something. Balance valance तो है ना या मैं call करूँ?" (concerned enquiry)

"No. I am wondering where to begin."

"You are not giving a speech." (intended-to-be-funny retort).

"Ok…"

"Hmmm?"(concerned)

"Of late I have been having these thoughts that..."

 

 

 

 

10 minutes to 5. I got up steadily. Shooting pains in my body. But my head considerably lighter. And when your head is light , body pains feel trivial. I put on a jeans, took a notebook stuffed a pen in my jeans pocket and rushed.

 

 

 

 

He picked up the duster that had fallen with a huge noise and stared at the blackboard. The noise had awakened me. From what?  He scratched his head and tried to write something but only half-heartedly. He turned to face us. He was really tall.

 

"Ok. I will continue with the field momentum in the next class. I seem to have made some  mistake in the earlier steps…."

 

He again stared at the board and then with a huge sigh as if removing all his hesitation he said

 

"anyways…anything else you want to ask?"

 

I pondered. But I couldn't remember much what he had taught. I was feeling sick and couldn't concentrate hard. Even my eyes burnt. Maybe he was teaching anti-particles. But then that was later part of the syllabus. Meanwhile the girl sitting next to me raised her hand.

 

"Umm…sir, I was wondering how can antiparticles ,or for that matter anything, travel backward in time?"